ChatGPT wrote this introduction:
Ross Purdy is a bold and unconventional comedian whose work defies categorization. Known for his surreal, boundary-pushing style, Purdy blends absurdism with social commentary, often delivering his material with a sense of chaos that keeps audiences on their toes. His performances are a mix of satire, physical comedy, and dark humor, challenging traditional stand-up norms and making him a unique presence on the comedy scene. Whether through stand-up, live shows, or creative projects, Ross Purdy’s fearless approach continues to captivate and surprise audiences who are open to the unexpected.
Q: What got you here and what is your future looking like? Bad?
RS: What got me here was saying yes to every opportunity. My future looks bad because I just said yes to the opportunity to open for an atomic bomb test at a nuclear weapons facility.
Q: As a comedian, do you still dream or nah?
RS: Time is money. Time spent dreaming is time wasted not making money. I now outsource all my dreams to a local orphan for 20 dollars on the pound. It's absolutely important in my opinion for orphans to have dreams. Yes I do lose more money by not having the dreams myself but I can write them off on my tax returns
Q: Pros and Cons of being you?
RS: Pro: I'm a dang cutie pie. Con: This dang cutie pie sits on a window sill where its aroma attracts levitating cartoon animals.
Q: As a comedian, do you want laughter or money? Can’t be both. Pick one.
RS: I tried making a deposit in my bank with laughter once, it did nothing for my credit. So I'll have to pick money.
Q: As a comedian, why do you think laughter is important?
RS: Laughter is important because the more time we spend laughing, the less time we'll have speaking to one another on how to be better allies and comrades for our fellow man and making the world a better place. It's MY job to make the world a better place. With laughs.
Q: As a comedian, why do you think love is important?
RS: Laughter, like love, is just neurochemicals in your head playing tricks on you. But now everyone can attain love, so they acquire a facsimile through monetary transaction, which ultimately pumps the economy up. That's why love is important.
Q: Why a pink balaclava? Why not puce or maybe gamboge?
RS: I'm like Rocky Dennis in the movie Mask. My face is actually my mask. I can't just pick what colour it is, or to throw it into the ocean, like Jim Carrey in The Mask.
Q: Favourite letter in the alphabet? Can’t be W though.
RS: Definitely "i". My next favourite letter would be the one I got saying I successfully don't qualify for the Vietnam war draft.
Q: As a comedian, could you please shed some light on your pre-show rituals?
RS: My pre-show rituals involve mostly Mayan virgin sacrifices. I'm like Telly in that movie Kids, constantly trying to collect virgins - to sacrifice to my Mayan gods to ensure a successful show, not to fill an emptiness with vapid, hedonistic casual sex.
Q: What’s your problem?
RS: People can't figure out how old I am. You wanna know how old I am? Slice me open and count the rings. That’s one ring I swallow for each year of life, that’s a Purdy family tradition and like all traditions I don’t question it; it’s why the ABC won’t allow me on “Question Everything” - can’t get through the metal detectors with all the rings inside me.
Q: Mary, Fuck, Kill: 3 Construction Workers, 2 Dogs In Dresses, 5 Snakes (one is a cobra)
RS: I'd kill the 3 construction workers because as a Melbourne artist, I respect emotional labourers - not regular labourers. Marry 2 dogs in a dress so the fair-right pundits have something to write about, I slip on banana peels, not usually on slopes. And I'd fuck 5 snakes so their venom can intermingle with my ejaculate so I can then murder all my enemies. Go through my murder-hump list.
Q: As a comedian, what is your wackiest hospital or ER story?
RS: Some babies are born the normal way. Out the canal hole of a motherly figure. Or a canal hole is surgically cut into a stomach side. Either way, the baby usually flops on out, dressed up in the baby goop it had been gestating in for nigh on nine months, I - Ross Purdy - however was born wearing a black top hat using my umbilical cord as a dancing cane while the hospital beep machine beeped the tune of Ethel Merman “There’s No Business Like Show Business”. I also got my testicle removed so now I'm like that guy from history people don't like - Tom Green.
Q: What’s the future of man and technology?
RS: The future of man and technology is the manufacturing of pre-cogs. I have a pre-cog locked in a bathtub in my basement whom I use to communicate what comedy will be in the future so I can stay ahead of the curve. The balls they leave are often balls of turds, so I guess the future of comedy is scatalogical.
Q: What’s the future of man (minus technology)?
RS: The future of man is to bear witness to all my live comedy shows, performed around the world.
Q: What’s the deal with airline food?
RS: They make you romantically and sexually attracted to high schoolers - now you understand Jerry Seinfield's deal.
Q: What’s the deal with food in general?
RS: Their consumption is essential for survival and nutrition, but what is the food of the soul? I'll tell ya - it's on at the Edinburgh Fringe, August 1st to 25th at 8:50pm at Just The Tonic at the Mash House. So you gotta fly to Scotland.
Q: What inspired you to pursue your dreams and/or aspirations?
RS: I tried to pursue and follow my dreams and aspirations, but they got uncomfortable with me constantly following them, so they slapped a restraining order on me. Now I do comedy as the only place that'll allow legally dubious individuals.
Q: As a comedian, how do you deal with visually ugly audience members?
RS: It's the visually attractive audience members I worry about. I can't have all the blood flowing to my junk, I gotta have it flowing all to the gunk - in my head - so it can come out as jokes for the masses. So before the show, I get the security guard to pick out all the 8s, 9s, 10s and put paper bags over their heads. Then they'll come to believe they're hideously unappealing, and nothing's more unattractive than lack of confidence.
Q: Have you ever tried telling a joke in a foreign language?
RS: If you consider the language of God a foreign language, then yeah, I've told some if not all of my jokes in a foreign language.
Q: If you could only tell jokes to animals, which animal?
RS: Cheetahs, they'll be able to keep up with the fast pace of my wit.
Q: As a comedian, where are the bodies buried?
RS: At Jimeoin's house. Carl Barron saw the whole thing.
Q: As a comedian, which Wiggle is problematic (and why is it Simon?)
RS: Simon is the same Simon as the Simon in Simon Says, he only got the Wiggles job through nepotism. He's a nepo-wiggle and won't admit it.
Q: If you had to bathe in one condiment, would you choose ranch sauce and why?
RS: Ranch is kind of Eric Andre's thing. I'd rather wait until he chugs all the ranch and then bathe in his blood. Not, antagonistically or anything. I'll give the blood back when I'm done.
Q: Do you prefer homemade ranch sauce or the store-bought variety?
RS: Again, I think ranch is more of an Eric Andre thing. So whatever ranch he prefers.
Q: As a comedian, can I borrow some money? Like 20 bucks maybe?
RS: This is so weird, but I was gonna ask you if I can borrow 30 bucks. I'll promise I'll pay you back.
Q: Do you think dogs enjoy wearing dresses?
RS: Dogs will enjoy what we, humans, as the dominant species on top of the hierarchy, say they enjoy
Q: If dogs could talk, what do you think they'd say about wearing dresses?
RS: I think they'd make Dog Social Media, where they'll finally get to voice to the wider world what they really think about wearing dresses and how they only play fetch and hump legs because those are the characteristics ascribed to them by mainstream society. They don't wanna be given names like "Meatball" anymore, they wanna be called "Peter" and this will be confusing to us humans leading to resistance that becomes a refuge in fascism. Is this satirical commentary too biting? Then neuter it! Need to calm this aggression!
Q: What breed of dog do you think looks the most fabulous in a dress?
RS: The ones that have six nipples.
Q: If you could dress any famous dog in a dress, which one would it be and why?
RS: Air Bud, there's nothing in the rule book that says a dog can't play basketball while wearing a dress.
Q: Have you ever had a dog as an audience member, and if so, what dress was it wearing?
RS: I did. It was wearing a hijab. I had to say "Ms Hanson, no one here appreciates your 'demonstration', please leave the building". That'd be low hanging fruit if it wasn't true - and good for you, like a fruit.
Q: As a comedian, does my bum look big in this?
RS: You gotta feed that bum man, lying on the streets begging for change - he's thinning away.
Q: What advice would you give to aspiring comedians and performers?
RS: Follow the path I'm going and when I stop, go two steps further - off the cliff. I don't need the competition. See More From Ross Purdy using the hip links below:
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